Talk:Clockwork: Your Time Is Up/@comment-37446848-20190421130813
The problems I have with this CreepyPasta: 1. Clichéd opening featuring an abusive father, neglectful mother, and a little girl. 2. Natalie is your typical introverted, emotional, but also "quirky" and "not like the other girls" main female protagonist. In other words: an obvious Mary Sue. 3. "She dared not to pay attention in class" then followed by "Your time is almost up on getting your work done, Miss Ouellette" and then ending with- "Time was always against her". No, actually time IS on her side, Natalie is just being lazy. 4. "As far as she could care, time could go fuck itself." LOL! All because this dumb bitch was drawing in class instead of doing her work, my God… 5. I doubt missing your assignments and breaking up wit your boyfriend can cause that much damage to your mental health, at least it wouldn't turn you into a serial killer right away. But if so, then the streets would literally be full of psychos by now. 6. Natalie's classmates are spooked by the fact she draws blood and gore? Well damn, her peers have obviously never used the internet before. 7. Her boyfriend dumps her because her drawings freaked him out, and that it somehow made him feel irresponsible? WEAKEST. REASON. EVER. Also wait a second, tell me how could HER drawings make HIM feel irresponsible? Because the main definition of irresponsible is- "(of a person, attitude, or action) not showing a proper sense of responsibility. Synonyms: reckless, rash, thoughtless, careless, foolish, foolhardy, impetuous, impulsive. ". So in other words, it's making him feel foolish? Why? It's what SHES doing. Seriously, wrong use of the word, author. 8. The- "CreepyPasta-Murderer-Psychopath carve and stitch a bloody smile on her face to make her look creepy for absolutely no reason" cliché. 9. Medications, or how this story literally puts it - mental drugs don't "work on her" cliché. 10. "The other guard shook with fear, and dropped his gun." WHY did you apply for a security guard job in the first place, dipshit? 11. Wherever she's in, her town/city's got the least observant people on the planet. 12. So, Natalie can bend a bed over, kill well-trained, fully armed, full grown security guards who have GUNS, with nothing but a knife... but can get knocked down and (almost) killed by her dad? Riiight. I don't see why her dad was complaining about the economy at all when he could've been a MUCH better security guard than those two guards we saw earlier. 13. "You aren't my daughter"." That's Natalie who's literally stabbing you, you dumbass. 14. Her brother can manage to the shit out of her a baseball bat. Damn, ok, how come her family members aren't security guards now? At least they wouldn't need to complain about the economy anymore, and could do a better job than the other two guards. 15. Brother still gets killed, even though he managed to knock Natalie's ass to the ground, but being the overpowered-wish-fulfillment-Mary-Sue that she is, she gets back up and brushes it off like nothing happened. And, of course, kills him in an overly violent and brutal fashion. 16. Bad grammar and spelling. 17. Melodrama. Need I say more? …. This story honestly makes me lose faith in everything.